the who had three testicles...
eller???
When I was 8 years old, I told everyone in school that I was born with 3 testicles.
Don’t ask me why.
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I remember being inspired by a statue that I had seen in which the man standing appeared to have 3 testicles at first glance.
I suppose having an extra testicle meant that I was 50% more of a man than the other 8 year old boys.
Either way, I told a few people.
Rumor got around and it wasn’t long until everyone in my grade knew about my third testicle.
Of course, being 8 year old boys, everyone wanted to see it. Not because they doubted me, but simply because…
HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE TO SEE A GUY WITH 3 TESTICLES!!!!
So I started practicing how to show my nuts in a mirror to make it look like I had three testicles.
I started by putting my thumb behind my scrotum and pushing it out in between my two natural testicles.
It looked pretty convincing, but I wasn’t sure if I could pull off the prestidigitation under pressure, in front of everyone.
So I went outside and tried to find a smooth stone that was the approximate size and shape of my other two testicles.
After I had found the perfect prosthetic testicle, I had to find a way to secure it to the back of my scrotum in a manner that made it stick out in between my two natural testicles.
I tried taping it, but I noticed that even duct tape would stop working as soon as I started sweating; and I knew I would be sweating if I had to show a roomful of kids my nuts.
What I ended up realizing, was that I didn’t want to show my little soldier, because that felt too private for some reason; but nuts seemed like public property.
I don’t feel like thinking about what my reasoning might have been on that one.
Stop distracting me with your criticism. I am trying to make a point. How can I ever make my point if you keep interrupting me?
My point was simply this…
The point is, my shyness, gave me an excuse to hide my little soldier in my trousers while I put my nuts on display.
So I was able to used one of those nude-colored elastic bands and wrapped it around both the rooster and the eggs, with the “third nut” stone in the middle.
It looked amazing, as long as pulled up my little rooster into my hand and let my scrotum fly free.
No one was going to come up from behind me and look at my taint.
The next day in school, I told everyone that I would show it to them at lunch.
All the kids who wanted to see followed me over to a corner in the far end of the cafeteria.
I faced the corner, unzipped my pants and prepared my hands.
While cupping my little soldier in my right hand and pulling up, and my left hand supporting my nut sack, and making sure that the stone would not fall out, I turned around and faced everyone.
“SEE?!”
Everyone gasped with awe, and then it went quiet.
“Can I touch it?”, yelled one kid named Kai.
“Uh, sure, just be careful, they’re sensitive”, I said.
What else could I do? I was trapped.
So Kai came over and poked the third nut (the stone) with his right index finger.
He pushed it down and it popped back up.
His eyes widened.
He pushed it one more time and watched it rise, completely enthralled.
Then he turned around and yelled to the entire cafeteria…
“It’s REAL!!!, Oh my God, Ragnar has 3 NUTS!!!!”
Pretty soon a teacher was on her way over to break up the corner full of kids acting suspicious. I ran to the bathroom and took the prosthetic nut and elastic band out of my pants and buried as deep as I could in the garbage can.
After that my status in the school changed.
It was a little weird.
Some people thought I was gross, others thought it gave me status.
Pretty soon, everyone forgot about it and so did I.
In fact, I hadn’t really thought about it for years until my great grandson asked me if I ever knew anyone with three testicles...and I just happened to be in the middle of writing my memoirs and testament...maybe I will leave him an elastic band and a smooth egg-sized stone...what do you think???