Chapter #0042AF5C
Olly was a dirty young man; not perverted, just dirty. His body was cleaner than most but his past was sordid. His mind was sordid. Whenever he meditated he would watch his mind and soon realize that he took great joy in watching and organizing his dirty mind. Again, nothing perverted, just dirty.
Olly’s mind was dirty in the way the interior of a pedantic hoarder’s domicile would look and feel to the outsider. His mental house would appear chaotically cluttered to the uninitiated, but to the hoarder or thoughts like Olly, everything was in perfect order. The outsider lacked the perspicacity to see the order. To the dull-witted dimwit, subtlety is lost. He fails to see how the harrowing heaps are alphabetized, and mathematically sound, how they topographically replicate the mountains and hills surrounding Los Angeles and are categorized by the sentiment of the neighborhoods within and environs without.
When Olly looked into his mind, he saw an order of the highest order; intricate slews of empires of which he was emperor. He was the pharaoh; the liaison of communication and sense-making between order and chaos in the realm of the superconscious. He was the Tao, as well as the Anti-Tao and the creator of the uncreated.
How could Olly relate this to his onlookers? Why would Olly want to relate this to his onlookers? Who were the onlookers? Were they all part of his own solipsistic dreamscape? Was his life a nightmare, a virtual reality game gone awry? Was he God amusing himself with his own rumination? Did he create the Devil as a source of entertainment for his own mind? To prove his own existence? If so, when would Olly get his fill? When would the Devil’s entertainment suffice? When would the movie be over and would it be a comedy, a tragedy or both? Or was this a ridiculously binary way of thinking? And if so, which way of thinking wasn’t ridiculous? After all, wasn’t the universe created by the splitting of one into two? No-thoughts into thoughts? Or nothing into two somethings, which in turn split themselves into four somethings and so on? Is this not life? The embryonic thought processes reproducing themselves into the holistic macrocosm?
Was Olly expanding his divine consciousness by creating complexity through his binary processes and tying them together through a Hegelian dialect?
These were the kind of thoughts that made it difficult for Olly to communicate with others. It was just too overwhelming and he knew that about himself.
Olly never had a brother growing up but he did have a neighbor boy who was two days younger named Clancy. Clancy had an older brother who proved to be terribly annoying and as an adult went on to become a morbidly obese alcoholic living at home and pissing himself while he was passed out on the couch. Clancy’s mother seems to replace the couch every couple of months.
Clancy also had several male cousins all of which made him want to spend time alone with his games and his mother. He had no use for an extra brother from another mother like Olly, yet Olly, whose father died young and left him with five sisters and a mother with multiple personality disorder, always regarded Clancy as a brother. No matter how bratty Clancy could get, Olly could never get angry, just sad.
Sad, because Clancy was the only one Olly felt comfortable enough to be himself around and yet Clancy had about a 10 minute tolerance threshold on the intensity of Olly’s unfiltered presence.
With everyone else in life, Olly felt stifled and unable to behave and speak in the manner he felt most natural. In the presence of others, he just seemed too schizophrenic, too hyperactive. Those who knew Olly described the feeling of being around him as akin the feeling one gets two hours after taking a thumbprint of LSD. It’s just too much to handle. Those who had never taken any hallucinogens compared conversation with getting electrolysis done on your throat or going into a drug-free birthing labor for 72 hours straight.